In Relationship Qualities Part 1, we looked at six relationship qualities that are present in some of the most successful couples I’ve studied. Today we’ll look at another four.



7. Physical Intimacy


sexual compatibilityCommunication creates emotional intimacy, but in a loving relationship there must also be physical intimacy. Humans are creatures of affection made to touch and be touched. From babies being tickled, to toddlers having their hair tousled, touch is a way of communicating affection and love. When we got older we hugged friends. When we started dating we held hands. When we found someone to love we made love.


These are acts of tenderness that communicate something important to each other. Emotional connections are important for bonding, but the physical connection communicates love and affection in a way that is exclusive to a loving relationship. Without it, what you have is just a very deep friendship. Both emotional and physical bonds work in concert to keep people anchored to each other.


In my quest to evangelize living a Full Life I’ve had the privilege of working with many people in great relationships. Since happy relationships are essential to a happy Life I’ve spoken to many of them about their relationships, and what made them a success and source of strength on which to draw.   Ineffable chemistryWe’ve looked at the individual qualities in a person which increase the chances of creating a great, synergistic partnership. But how two people interact and what results isn’t predictable, and relationships are based on emotions, not logic. What bridges that gap is chemistry, an ineffable quality that makes the sparks fly between two people.   It’s hard to predict what causes chemistry between two people, but it definitely isn’t just physical. It’s a confluence of factors that cause a special connection of souls and meeting of minds.   Whatever chemistry is, the happiest, most empowering relationships I’ve studied do have common qualities and we’ll look at ten of them. Having most if not all of these qualities, someone in such a relationship is almost guaranteed to have a rich and full Life, not one wasted on drama or toxicity.   Here we go!  

CNY! That incredible period of happiness and feasting.   Post CNY… that painful period of weight taking and waist measuring.   In recent articles, I laid down a battle plan for you to engage the forces of temptations during the visiting period, and limit the damage done to your physique goals. This was the BEFORE plan.   Last article, I begaSetting upn laying down the first part of your AFTER plan. It showed you what to do to recover from that period of bombardment, and start the rebuilding of your fitness and physique. We spent some time on Step 1: Setting up of the mind, where I explained the concept of the bullpen. Step 2 was setting realistic expectations.   Step 3: Action has two stages. Stage 1 is the crucial act of simply resuming the lifestyle habits you had before the CNY binge. If you just do that, you’ll be ahead of the curve when it comes to regaining your physique. Many people never do, which spells the beginning of the capitulation process as they roll down the slippery slope of perpetual weight gain.   This concluding part will describe Stage 2 of the Action step.

peanut shellsIn the aftermath of any battle, there’s a rebuilding process, whether you won or lost. The winning side may have less to do, but it still needs to repair damage. In the same way, even if you’ve eaten less than most people, you’ve probably got some extra calories to shed.   I’m hoping you won, by following the battle plan I laid out for you in Surviving Chinese New Year: The Defence Strategy Parts 1 and 2. If you did, you probably have very little damage to repair. If you didn’t, you have a whole lot more to do. Either way, this process takes time. So the sooner you get back on track with your quest to achieve the health, fitness and physique you want, the better.   This article lays out a roadmap for the post-battle bebuild. Once you pull yourself out from the rubble and renew your efforts with determination and purpose, you’ll be back where you left off at the start of CNY, with hardly a battle scar to show for it.   Let’s do it!

CNY draws nigh Chinese New Year looms large.   As much as we look forward to the gathering of friends and family and celebrating with much feasting, we dread the inevitable consequences of that culinary binge. In the war against fat, festivals are potentially dangerous opponents which can take down our efforts unless we have a battle plan ready.   In part 1, I shared a viable battle strategy that has worked for many of my clients in their war against weight gain and sugar overload during the CNY period. Stratagems fell into three categories. We looked at A: The Start of the Day and B:During Each Visit stratagems.   Today we’ll look at C: Between Each Visit stratagems. I’ll also share some observations about what doesn’t work, and throw in a personal take on the importance of making choices in the context of living a Full Life.    

There is a dramatic surge in client consults and training sessions after occasions like Christmas, New Year’s day, and perhaps most of all, Chinese New Year. These are happy occasions for celebration with food.   But alas…   CNY foodWith great celebration comes great food. With great food comes great weight gain. CNY is an especially ‘dangerous’ time in your battle versus the bulge and your struggle against the sugar. It’s not just a one-off like Thanksgiving Dinner or the New Year Eve booze party. It’s a multitude of visits to friends and family, each engendering great motivation to present - and eat – the most delicious, fat- and sugar-laden treats one can imagine.   Hence the eater’s remorse post festivities and the desperate attempts to pay the piper by burning the fat in the gym, and the proliferation of all kinds of classes and services trying to capitalize on this guilt trip.

Every year, we write our new year resolutions. For many of us, exercise is near the top. But if we look back to previous years, how many times has that happened? Sure, you wrote down like run a 5K or lose 20lb. You’re all fired up, join a gym, do some workouts, post them on Facebook… then what happens? Things just fizzle out as other things crowd exercise out of your Life and Facebook.   Einstein defined insanity, as doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. So this year, let’s heed his wisdom. Let’s take a different approach. Let’s not worry about exercises, programmes,  equipment, shoes. Let’s talk about the real key that helps people make real, lasting changes. The MINDSET.

It’s that time of year again, and I wanted to drop a short note going into 2019, to share an important lesson, and also what I aim to do with AA35.   It’s been a crazy year for me. A lot happened personally, I’ve experienced loss in a few areas of my Life. Family, work, health… and it's not been easy, as evinced by my completely sporadic posts.   Last year there were a few things I wanted to do, going “Back to Basics” One of them was being more open with AA35 and reaching a wider audience. The way I chose to do this was a two-pronged approach. This blog, as well as YouTube. Well, going into 2019 I'll fess up outright that I didn’t keep up on both and there’s egg on my face.

So you’ve decided to lose weight! Or gain muscle! Or just get healthier! That’s GREAT!   But you might asking the first question that comes to mind when people think of such admirable goals: What’s the best exercise? And intuitively I think most people believe: there is no one best exercise. It depends on a bunch of factors. How fit you are, what you want to achieve, how much time you have, do you have access to a gym, equipment, coaches and so on.

A La La La La LongMid-life crisis! Menopause! Aches and pains! Hit songs of your youth now oldies!   And…ooops, maybe the makings of a paunch.   These are just some of the frightening things people associate with being 40.   In one of my earliest articles here, I wrote why 35 is a big deal. It’s the age you realise you’re nearer 40 than 20, but when you see “40”, your mind actually thinks… “50”! That puts one in an ‘old’ frame of mind, with all the worries that entails!   Well guess what? I crossed 40 for a while back, kissing 50 territory… for real! And I’m actually happier at this stage of my Life than I’ve ever been before. And I want to give you some perspectives to help you embrace this incredible milestone!

Quick, name me the MOST important component of success for losing weight, gaining muscle or energy, or even managing a health condition.   Did you say EXERCISE?   WRONG! Nutrition is responsible for 70-90% of your success. Most people think it’s exercise, and obsess about finding the perfect program, or just doing more and more. Then they wonder why they’re not getting results. In my experience, it’s the nutrition!   But there are a couple of challenges here.   The first is UTTER CONFUSION when trying to decide what’s best. With so many diets out there: Atkins, Mediterranean, French, Paleo… all claiming failures and successes, how do you choose?