A Rose in the Trash

Short Take: Relationships


Last year I wrote an article on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t expect I’d write another, but today I saw something quite poignant.


A picture can paint a thousand words, and there’s probably a sad story behind this one.



Does it tell of a love that never was:

Someone who wanted to make a move, but chickened out at the last minute, wrecked by self-doubt and feelings of inferiority?

Someone disdainful of and dismissing a wooer she has labelled a “loser”?


Or more sadly, a love that had once been:

Someone trying to win back a girl who has moved on?

Someone who was so stupid/ insensitive as to think a break up with a rose on Valentine’s was a good idea?

Someone who bought a rose on a surprise visit to the other’s office only to see something that should never have happened?

Someone who was more materialistic than a single rose of affection could buy?


These are some quick possibilities that played in my mind but it got me thinking.

How hard it is to initiate a relationship with someone? The intial trepidation, testing of the waters, tentative feelers. And then that process through which trust, comfort, happiness, and love is built between two people who were once strangers. This is something incredible and valuable.

Do people in relationships actually realise what the odds are to have found someone and gone through those stages?


When you’re in a relationship, many factors determine if it’s a success. Something you can’t control. For example, there is little you can do about another person.


But there are two things you can change, because they involve your actions and behaviour.


First is the relationship and your attitude and behaviour in it. Everything you do will either strengthen it or make it weaker. If it’s a good relationship, make sure you are doing the right things to appreciate it on a daily basis, not the wrong things that undermine it! If it’s a bad one, consider if it should continue.


The second is yourself. The only person whose thoughts, actions and decisions you can control are YOU. How you are as a person, the way you think and way you act make a huge impact on whether you’re attractive or a turn-off.


To think about these things, here are some questions anyone can think about.


Relationship Questions

Treat Love RespectAre you taking your other half for granted?

Are you being respectful of her feelings and as a person?

Do you constantly ensure she feels loved in the way she needs to feel it?

Do you consider her feelings and seek her opinion before making decisions?


Are you sharing physical intimacy on a level that satisfies you both?

Are you messaging/ Whatsapping as frequently as you did before?

How are you each player-proofing your relationship?


Are you threatened by the fact that your special other has high quality friends of the opposite gender? If this is a reflection on her behaviour, then you might need to have a talk and/ or evaluate the relationship.

Do you still love your partner as much as at the beginning of your relationship?

Have you seen – and accepted – each other at your worst?


Have you both grown and become better people because of your relationship?

Does this relationship add to your Life or take away from it? Are you happier or unhappier because of it?

Do you see yourselves together for the next five, 10, 20 years?


Self Questions

Are you a giver or a taker?

Are you a bully? A chauvinist?

Have you become boring and predictable?

Have you let yourself go simply because you are in a relationship?

Do you have trust issues and/ or hangups from previous relationships that threaten to ruin this one?

loserAre you jealous/ bad-tempered/ ungenerous/ and other foibles? Do an honest stocktake with a trusted friend.

Do you have a roving eye? What are you doing to keep faithful to your partner?

Are you threatened by the fact that your special other has high quality friends of the opposite gender? Same question as above, but this time consider if it is a reflection of your own feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. If so, get off your ass and do something about it! Improve yourself in those areas you are weaker instead of getting angry about it!


These are just questions to get you started on a reflection process. Since they relate to you, the answers will give you something immediate to work on.


Relationships are so, so important, and a relationship with a special other makes Life full of possibility. I’ve written that it takes having the right person to share that journey with, but do not ever forget that it also needs YOU to be the BEST person you can be.


The one thing you can’t control is if your partner is a good person or not. So choose carefully at the outset. But once you’re convinced you’ve found that good person, you’ve got to do some work!


Rose in vase

Reflect regularly. Be a good, attractive person, value and respect your partner, and don’t take your relationship for granted.

Do this, and you will minimize the chances of giving your special other a rose only too late, and have it end up in the trash.

Don’t, and it’s the flower that should be pitied, not you.


Have a great weekend!





Personal Qualities Part 1

Personal Qualities Part 2

Relationship Qualities Part 1

Relationship Qualities Part 2

Thoughts on Valentine’s Day 2014

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